i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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