Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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