I need to stop coming to work sober
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
