Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
