Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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