i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
