I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
