this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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