saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
