he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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