And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
