So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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