You're my little dorito
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
