So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
