i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Drunk is a universal language darling
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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