dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
