Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
im on a boat
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