i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
