Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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