i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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