I just made out with a guy for $7.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
