can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
