Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
