Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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