I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
