i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
