the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
