If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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