did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
