Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
