god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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