Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
