New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize