So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
