I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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