And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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