youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she smelled like a LAN party
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
