do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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