if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
