Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
