he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
