; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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