Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize