i used baking grease as lip gloss
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
