just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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