I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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