Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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