hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
