I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
