I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize