i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
