Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
