I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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