does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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