Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
