I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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