Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
