He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
