Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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