This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
