what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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