Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
