My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
